John McCain is so old on Halloween he goes out as the Crypt Keeper so he doesn’t have to wear a costume.

John McCain is so old he remembers when his dad was a twinkle in his grandfather’s eye.

John McCain is so old when AOL says “you have mail” he goes to the post office.

John McCain is so old he thought the telephone would just be another fad.

John McCain is so old those zombie movies he likes to watch are actually just videos of his speeches.

John McCain is so old he’s eligible to be president not as a natural born citizen, but because he was a citizen of the United States at the time of the adoption of the Constitution.

John McCain is so old when people talk about Old Europe he reminisces about the Holy Roman Empire.

John McCain is so old he once bought Miracle Salve from Opie Taylor.

John McCain is so old he “had a little personal experience” with both the Cuban Missile Crisis and with Cuba’s discovery.

John McCain is so old when he was a boy Mad Magazine was only slightly peeved.