John McCain is so old he’s eligible to be president not as a natural born citizen, but because he was a citizen of the United States at the time of the adoption of the Constitution.

John McCain is so old when people talk about Old Europe he reminisces about the Holy Roman Empire.

John McCain is so old he once bought Miracle Salve from Opie Taylor.

John McCain is so old he “had a little personal experience” with both the Cuban Missile Crisis and with Cuba’s discovery.

John McCain is so old when he was a boy Mad Magazine was only slightly peeved.

John McCain is so old he’s not just over the hill, he’s over the whole mountain range.

John McCain is so old when he wants to be around people his own age he goes to the cemetery.

John McCain is so old the first time he saw the “real Virginia” was with the Roanoke Colony.

John McCain is so old when Jesus told him to “love thy neighbor” he told him “I already did.“

John McCain is so old he used to smear his opponents by robotelegraph.